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Saturday, July 4, 2009

What a poopy night!

**WARNING** NOT for weak stomachs and please don't eat while reading. :P

The other night my husband and I went out to dinner. Sadly, every time I have eaten at Applebee's in the last three years I get... well,.... I need to use the restroom shortly afterward. So, after dinner we went to Wal-mart. Our local Wal-mart is currently under remodeling. The entire store is turned upside down and I can't find ANYTHING now. Feeling totally lost, my bowels begin to turn! As I am walking as quickly to the restroom as possible, I find myself up against new aisles and walls and wander around like a mouse in a maze. o_O

By the time I FINALLY find my way to the ladies room, I notice the door is new. As I pushed the door open I see that it is completely remodeled. My first thought was, "Wow this IS different, kinda looks nice. The last few times I shopped here the bathroom was filthy."

I opened the first stall, only to find the commode coated in feces. (shudders) As I close my eyes I think "You've GOT to be kidding me!" I went all the way to the end of the room to use the last one, but it was taken, as was the next, and the next, until I got to the second one, next to the poopy one. Keep in mind I REALLY need to GO!

I push open the door only to find this one has feces up and down both sides of the wall. EWWW!!!! Grrrr! I HAVE to go! I coulnd't wait. So I took a deep breath and walked in, noticing that the stalls are somewhat smaller than normal. I lay open the seat cover, after carefully inspecting the seat to be sure the wall was the only infected area. I sat down, trying to avoid my arms from touching the walls. I finish my business, but notice the toilet paper dispenser is VERY low to the ground. Now I pondered, "If I lean over to reach for the toilet paper, my arm 'might' rub up against this wall." So I gingerly reach down, but the toilet paper does NOT come out. I had to lean over and reach up under and then up into the dispenser and I could NOT get that paper out! AGGGH!

So I reach forward to open the front side where the second roll was. I managed to get the end of the paper and tried to pull it down. It kept tearing after one square at a time. THIS is RIDICULOUS! So I had to use the toilet paper covers behind me. Sigh*

I complete this nerve wracking task and exit the stall. I walk toward the sink, only to notice they are lower to the ground than usual. (What is this place normal size people discriminatory?) I also notice they are on auto. So I place my hands under the faucet, desperately wanting to SCRUB my hands and disinfect them, when the water SLOWLY TRICKLES out! I look at the lady standing next to me when she says, "This is the most RIDICULOUS bathroom I have ever been in!" I promptly agreed when she also said, "And for being a brand new bathroom it sure is filthy!"

We both scrubbed our hands the best we could and exited this nightmare. I attempted to enter the maze again to search for my husband. He was at the back of the store and as soon as I arrived at the aisle he was in, my bowels groaned again. "AGAIN? For crying out loud!" I tried to frantically explain the situation to my husband while begging him to take me home before I would need to go again. He suggested I try the back restroom instead. UGH!

I walked as quickly as I could to the back restroom, dodging more new aisles and walls like a mouse in a maze when I came to the back and see the other restroom completely boarded up for remodel! AGGGH!! I head back to my husband and demand (Yes, I was demanding my husband to comply with my request) him to TAKE ME HOME! We hadn't even been able to complete our shopping when he said, "Take the keys and drive to Starbucks, it's closer than home."

So I left and went to Starbucks. I ran for their bathroom and made it just in time! Phew* By the way, Starbucks has always had an immaculate ladies room to which I thanked them profusely when I was done. Of course I HAD to tell them what happened. (They looked at me like I was crazy.) But they thanked me for the warning. :/

I went back to get my husband and he explained to me that he told the manager what happened. He told them that since this happened he was not able to complete or shopping trip and we would NOT be returning to shop there again.

I just had to text this awful ordeal to Charlene, when she said, "No wonder it was all over the wall, they couldn't reach the toilet paper."

Okay, okay I know this was totally gross, but I was able to laugh hysterically after that. I guess this is what God meant when He said, "I will turn your mourning into laughter." Needless to say I am so totally done with ever eating at Applebee's again and I am never returning to Wal-mart in this town either.

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1 kind words:

Martha July 4, 2009 at 11:30 PM  

How hilarious!! Sigh, I'm sorry but I found relief in your misery *ducks from a shoe*

Hey... the next time I'm in town, allow me to take you out to Applebee's. My treat ;-) no strings attached ((whistling))

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