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Saturday, October 9, 2010

Is Life Ever Normal or Is This It?

I see all these gorgeous blogs out there attracting such a HUGE following, many of them publishing books (will that ever be me?) and here I am..little ol' me..with an average blog but a huge healthy Facebook page with great friends and TONS of dialogue. What is it with the blogosphere? Where is everyone? Then I tell myself... ya know...some of those HUGE blogs out there have a professional staff of people who all get paid to push that blog out there...yep..bloggers have agents like movie stars do. 

I keep coming back to myself with a pat on the back and a gentle reminder that I'm not blogging to get a following. I blog because I like to. Whatever I share here is what has helped me or what I enjoy..occassionaly I vent..but I try not to do that too often, but then again, being real is what draws people in..not that I WANT to 'draw' you in ..but community is about relationships and who wants to have a 'relationship' with a plastic Stepford forced smiley perfectionist blogger? Well...maybe she needs a real friend.

Who are we? Why do we blog? What is this insatiable drive to have a 'successful' blog? Is bloggy success based on how many follow us? I wonder how many follow just so they might rub knuckles with a blogger with a huge following...or do they REALLY like those blogs? What is it with this competition? Sisters don't need to compete...just relax and enjoy each other's company.

So now that I got my bloggy thoughts out of the for the serious stuff. Yes, the personal vent..that I rarely share..quite frankly, because I've been stalked online maybe it's been long enough now that I can speak more openly about my sadness and pain...without having to feel like I have to put up a 'perfect testimony'... Moses didn't have the kind of testimony most Christians aspire to. Neither did Paul, Peter, or Mary Magdalene. sigh***

About a year ago some vicious rumors spread about my husband in our community... totally untrue of course and we have a law team who knows that. But I just found out the other day that those rumors are still spreading around. A whole year later! There was a time when I said I would never want to live anywhere else because I love my community.. but now.. I wish we could move. People I thought were my friends for many years, turned their backs on us, believed the lies (after almost 2 decades of solid diligent professional 'Christian' living) and dropped us like a hot potato when we decided to speak out about what was happening. Ya know... I wonder would have happened had the Hebrews decided they didn't want to leave Egypt..what if they had stayed? What about those who insisted on staying inside the government Roman church while the other fled to freedom during the Reformation? Yes, those who fled suffered... but for a purpose. So our 'friends' decided to stay in bondage, we fled, we suffered, but now we're free. And God gave us new friends all over the world, but this little town? I'm DONE with it.

I'm not sure life can be normal for us here. We feel the tug of God and we believe He is going to move us along someday...I'll take sooner over later. I do have 2 books I am writing, but for me to even speak more openly on my other blog about it could cause GREAT turmoil for us again...abusive people don't want their covers stripped. I have no desire to say their names out loud here or in the books, but the characteristics of the abuse and the fact that everyone in this town knows where we came out of is enough to reap a bucket load if I publish a book while still living here.

This town is small enough that every time I go to the store I run into them, I see them everywhere... so we give the nod and smile, a small wave and keep moving. I think I'll shop on Sundays when I know none of them are in the stores. I don't want to be bitter by any means... it's just so awkward. Maybe this is what the celebrities feel like. Knowing so many millions of people read the tabloids that are filled with lies. sigh**

The perfectionism that everyone thinks we all need to live by is driving me insane. The judging you feel when someone 'reprimands' you for going to see a movie or dancing in the store when 'Material Girl' comes on the radio... I try to be polite to people who feel it's their place to publicly shame everyone who lives or thinks differently... sometimes I feel like Meg Ryan's character Kathleen Kelly in 'You've Got Mail'... wanting to say what you the time it's needed... I want to say it goes.. "GET A LIFE" sigh** I wanted to see 'Easy A'..okay? I saw it, I liked it, I laughed my rump off! I also cried. This movie is labeled as smut by some people, but it has such a powerful message in it...for those with an ear to hear... you'll hear God cry..but not for the same reasons the finger wagging people don't think God cries because a guy in the movie is gay, or the girl uses profanity, but that the people were HURTING... because of perfectionism. 

What kind of a world would this be if NONE of us had a different view or belief? What if we were all the SAME? We would never grow. We would never cry. We would never be able to comfort one another, because there would be no reason to comfort if we were all the same. So I celebrate our differences! Don't be someone you're not. Be who you are!

Let your blog be YOU in cyberspace, that's what true people really want..other true people. Write what you're passionate about. You won't always be liked, but you can be you and know that when you pillow your head at night.. you know you have been real...and not a fake. Will life ever be normal? YES! When I live out who I really am..and when YOU live out who YOU really are.

Love you!

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5 kind words:

Michelle October 9, 2010 at 8:24 PM  

I know what you mean. I've lost some readers since I've changed my blog and not many people comment anymore, but I've just got to stay true to what I am suppose to be doing and not worry about it!

Wouldn't mind some new readers, though! (No small, subtle hint there or anything-:D)

So sorry to hear about your struggles. I guess we will just have to move to California so that you can have some more friends?!
We always want to move to California by December!

Anyhow, hope you have a blessed weekend!

Mrs. Darling October 9, 2010 at 9:30 PM  

Good thoughts. Im afraid facebook has pulled away a lot of people from the blog world but personally I love blogland and my tiny corner in it!

Sorry about the rumors. My heart goes out to you!

Jess October 10, 2010 at 5:29 AM  

I know what you are saying about blogland, it's just like highschool. I use to follow Rue's PB and J life, she was my fav. She quit last month due to many of the things you've talked about. It's a competition to get bigger and better. In my archive for Sept. Good by Rue there is one comment from her (if you'd like to read, it's very small). She says "...always be true to yourself". I wish you could've read the finally posting, it was excellent (but she has closed shop). She talks about feeling like she had to spend lots of money, painting everything white and etc.
As for your community, it's just small town living. I didn't know how bad it was until I returned after a divorce. The pastor of the church I got married at and spent half my life at lives across the street and wont acknowlege me (even though he gets free hair cuts from my grandfather the barber). You'll make-it I promise! Trust me I've been to hell and back twenty times (it feels like). What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Hold your head high! Sorry this was so long.

Anonymous,  October 10, 2010 at 11:56 AM  

I have just found your blog, but I want you to know... I LIKE you. We have similar things going on. You may be my new BFF.
Hope to meet you at Relevant!

EdenFire October 10, 2010 at 1:14 PM  

Lisa it sounds like you really have the true balance of what it means to be IN the world but not OF the world. The "world" is twofold. First there is the "wordliness out there in the world" demanding success and perfection HOLLYWOOD and MADISON AVENUE style ... and then there are the distortedly mirroring and poorly echoing worldly mentalities within "the church" -- demanding success and perfection BILLY SUNDAY and HANDMAID'S TALE style, so to speak. Both are full of crap as I know you've witnessed....

You are IN the world -- not afraid to engage with it, with its memes, its expressions, its bits of culture and art, which make you a well-rounded vessel of honor fit for our Master's service! -- but not "OF" the world, not one with its interminably demanding and relentlessly dissatisfied "never good enough" spirit in whatever form. Those people who finger-wag and cluck their tongues and shake their heads like stupid old biddies in judgment? They are AFRAID of the world. And by being so afraid, they inadvertently become entirely part, parcel, and "OF" that world. The world that breeds fear and passes judgments and constantly reiterates how far you always fall short and always will.

Yes, they are actually OF the world who have the appearance of shunning and eschewing it, for they are of its same substance of persistent judgment, criticism and fear. Don't listen to their lies. You know who our Master has made you to be and He knows what manner of creature you are ... knew it when He chose you ... and loves you as you, for He made you to be you!

p.s. I am sorry for what you & your hubby have been put through; that sucks!!! I've been on the receiving end of similar dreck myself before. I hope Master makes a way of escape for you out of that town soon, so you can breathe freely and speak freely and bless others with an honest, authentic account of your experiences and the impact these had upon you. Don't skimp on the anger and pain when you get ready to sing, either. It's the coin of the realm for those still suffering to let them know you're for real -- and it is minted by God. Don't let anyone lie to you otherwise!

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