I see all these gorgeous blogs out there attracting such a HUGE following, many of them publishing books (will that ever be me?) and here I am..little ol' me..with an average blog but a huge healthy Facebook page with great friends and TONS of dialogue. What is it with the blogosphere? Where is everyone? Then I tell myself... ya know...some of those HUGE blogs out there have a professional staff of people who all get paid to push that blog out there...yep..bloggers have agents like movie stars do.
I keep coming back to myself with a pat on the back and a gentle reminder that I'm not blogging to get a following. I blog because I like to. Whatever I share here is what has helped me or what I enjoy..occassionaly I vent..but I try not to do that too often, but then again, being real is what draws people in..not that I WANT to 'draw' you in ..but community is about relationships and who wants to have a 'relationship' with a plastic Stepford forced smiley perfectionist blogger? Well...maybe she needs a real friend.
Who are we? Why do we blog? What is this insatiable drive to have a 'successful' blog? Is bloggy success based on how many follow us? I wonder how many follow just so they might rub knuckles with a blogger with a huge following...or do they REALLY like those blogs? What is it with this competition? Sisters don't need to compete...just relax and enjoy each other's company.
So now that I got my bloggy thoughts out of the way..now for the serious stuff. Yes, the personal vent..that I rarely share..quite frankly, because I've been stalked online before..so maybe it's been long enough now that I can speak more openly about my sadness and pain...without having to feel like I have to put up a 'perfect testimony'... Moses didn't have the kind of testimony most Christians aspire to. Neither did Paul, Peter, or Mary Magdalene. sigh***
About a year ago some vicious rumors spread about my husband in our community... totally untrue of course and we have a law team who knows that. But I just found out the other day that those rumors are still spreading around. A whole year later! There was a time when I said I would never want to live anywhere else because I love my community.. but now.. I wish we could move. People I thought were my friends for many years, turned their backs on us, believed the lies (after almost 2 decades of solid diligent professional 'Christian' living) and dropped us like a hot potato when we decided to speak out about what was happening. Ya know... I wonder would have happened had the Hebrews decided they didn't want to leave Egypt..what if they had stayed? What about those who insisted on staying inside the government Roman church while the other fled to freedom during the Reformation? Yes, those who fled suffered... but for a purpose. So our 'friends' decided to stay in bondage, we fled, we suffered, but now we're free. And God gave us new friends all over the world, but this little town? I'm DONE with it.
I'm not sure life can be normal for us here. We feel the tug of God and we believe He is going to move us along someday...I'll take sooner over later. I do have 2 books I am writing, but for me to even speak more openly on my other blog about it could cause GREAT turmoil for us again...abusive people don't want their covers stripped. I have no desire to say their names out loud here or in the books, but the characteristics of the abuse and the fact that everyone in this town knows where we came out of is enough to reap a bucket load if I publish a book while still living here.
This town is small enough that every time I go to the store I run into them, I see them everywhere... so we give the nod and smile, a small wave and keep moving. I think I'll shop on Sundays when I know none of them are in the stores. I don't want to be bitter by any means... it's just so awkward. Maybe this is what the celebrities feel like. Knowing so many millions of people read the tabloids that are filled with lies. sigh**
The perfectionism that everyone thinks we all need to live by is driving me insane. The judging you feel when someone 'reprimands' you for going to see a movie or dancing in the store when 'Material Girl' comes on the radio... I try to be polite to people who feel it's their place to publicly shame everyone who lives or thinks differently... sometimes I feel like Meg Ryan's character Kathleen Kelly in 'You've Got Mail'... wanting to say what you think..at the time it's needed... I want to say it..here it goes.. "GET A LIFE" sigh** I wanted to see 'Easy A'..okay? I saw it, I liked it, I laughed my rump off! I also cried. This movie is labeled as smut by some people, but it has such a powerful message in it...for those with an ear to hear... you'll hear God cry..but not for the same reasons the finger wagging people think...no..I don't think God cries because a guy in the movie is gay, or the girl uses profanity, but that the people were HURTING... because of perfectionism.
What kind of a world would this be if NONE of us had a different view or belief? What if we were all the SAME? We would never grow. We would never cry. We would never be able to comfort one another, because there would be no reason to comfort if we were all the same. So I celebrate our differences! Don't be someone you're not. Be who you are!
Let your blog be YOU in cyberspace, that's what true people really want..other true people. Write what you're passionate about. You won't always be liked, but you can be you and know that when you pillow your head at night.. you know you have been real...and not a fake. Will life ever be normal? YES! When I live out who I really am..and when YOU live out who YOU really are.
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