I've had several women ask me over the years to talk about intimacy in marriage, because they felt the talks we had together were informative and still discreet. However, not many pastors will allow for such a thing. I'm not sure if they just really don't want women to be educated about intimacy or they fear them talking about something without them being able to control the message. There have been some books written on the topic, but so many preachers rebuke such books no matter how discreet they are, which leaves the women to talk to each other in private and that can still be a tricky path to walk down.
While women want to be able to say they trust their sisterhood, many have that nagging fear that a friend will end up telling someone about their conversation. I think we all understand that fear and part of that fear may be your discernment not to trust that friend. Nevertheless, it's a topic we just can't ignore and we can talk about it and still be appropriate.
Some women become so 'modest' about their intimacy that their marriages go without full enjoyment of one another. I'm serious when I tell you that I think we need to consider that too much appropriateness can damper the intimacy in a marriage..now don't get me wrong..I'm not talking about doing things that cross over into doing things that are ...ahem** you know..
God created us to enjoy one another. I personally feel that if a woman is only intimate with her husband for the purpose of getting pregnant, then there may be some legalism in that. Now..you are free to disagree with me if you want to..that is your right..but I know my marriage wouldn't be what it is today if I lived like that...especially since I can't have anymore children.
Your intimate time is between you and your spouse. Whatever you both feel comfortable with is your choice...but even at that...use caution with venturing out into fantasy that could get out of control. Even if you feel like you want to experiment with something, think about 'what if'..what if your spouse wants more of that..whatever it is...if you feel at all like it could potentially be a problem for you or your spouse later on down the road..and you feel that it could possibly lead to feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, or addiction, then you might want to seriously reconsider and abstain from such conversations with your spouse about any interest.
Now, I'm not going to get detailed about this..I don't think there is any need for that.. you know what you have thought of, you know what conversations you and your spouse have had, listen to your heart..not your flesh.
There most certainly are books and websites that offer valuable information about your body and the various ways a couple can please each other, but we still use caution. I'm not against getting informed. As a matter of fact, I'm against NOT being informed. I think we all need to be educated about this part of our marriage relationships.
Talking amongst ourselves can be so tricky and I don't recommend you all get together as girlfriends and just gab about those intimate details without purpose. As women we don't appreciate when men do that, so lets show them the same courtesy.
As wonderful as an intimate marriage can be, we still need to safe guard the marriage relationship.
Now here are some quick discreet tips
- DO find something to wear in private that your spouse will be attracted to & that you will feel beautiful in.
- DO ask your spouse's opinion before purchasing such things.
- DO make a good investment...avoid the thrift store and Walmart.
- DO have a lock on your door...and use it...often.
- DO put the TV or music on in your room so the kids don't hear anything. ;)
- DO put the kids to bed early, so you can 'go to bed' early too.
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